On Being a Nonni

 

I heard it said that grandchildren were God’s reward to you for staying in the game through the teen years. I have my own theory. I believe that it is His reward for not pushing your teens out of a moving car. Not that it ever crossed my mind. Okay, maybe it crossed my mind, but come on. The fine for littering in Washington State was ridiculous even back then. Not to mention that teenagers are like cats. If you feed them, they will find their way home. And not to mention it was only a temptation when they wouldn’t stop arguing. Or as my 12-year old daughter told me once, “I’m not arguing with him, I’m just telling him he’s wrong.” Yeah, so that you can understand my pain. Which I patiently endured, for the most part anyway. And no one was hurt in the process, at least permanently. And so here I am, with the awesome title of Nonni. Of 12 incredible kids. Yes, 12.

It’s funny whenever I tell people I have 12 grandchildren. They look at me with raised eyebrows quite often and congratulate me. Like I did it myself. Nope. I had a very respectable three children. Two bookend boys with a girl in the middle. But being that we are a very competitive family, each of them have a family of four children each. I don’t believe they were competing with each other, but maybe just with me? Sort of a “I see your three, mom, and I will raise you one.” I wonder, though, if they are aware that in the end, I am the winner. Their dad and I, actually, who ended up with an even dozen of life’s greatest blessings, and they have all had to buy bigger vehicles to drive. Yeah, third row seating vehicles only.

I remember older people saying things to me when I was young things that sort of bounced off of me that I find to be incredibly wise now. You have heard them, rejected them and may have found yourself repeating them at some point. ‘These days will fly by,’ ‘These are the best years of your life.’ ‘Don’t rush through these times, you will miss them one day.’ And our personal favorite, ‘You will miss all this noise and chaos one day.’ I came up with my own when teaching young moms which I tell my grown children now, which is that ‘Everything is temporary. Whether it is negative or positive. So endure it, or cherish it.”  What I clearly remember and could not fathom until I experienced it was how different and deep the love was that you would have for your grandchildren. The relationship is unique and special. Each child is a part of your child, a part of the person they love most, and if you look really close and are lucky, you might even get to see a piece of yourself. 

The wonderful part of being a grandparent is the freedom that comes with it. I know that is not always the case, I am a living example. Two of my sisters and I lived with my grandparents for 3-1/2 years and they were stand in parents while still being grandparents. Lots of grandparents take that role, and it is not an easy one. But for those of us that aren’t wearing that particular hat, it is glorious. Being friend, mentor, buddy, confidant, whatever the child needs at that moment is incredible. It goes beyond cuddling and spoiling. We have the beautiful assignment of being teacher while not having to necessarily discipline. We can mentor, without having the burden of daily task mastering. Sure, we demand respect and obedience, we would be doing a disservice if not. But we have something that their parents do not have the luxury of having right now. Time. 

Our first grandchild, a girl, was somewhere around 10 years old when we took her shopping at a Claire’s with a gift card. She had gotten her ears pierced and was buying earrings, and other jewelry. As we walked out on the sidewalk after her shopping spree, she reached into the bag and brought out the best-friend necklace she had purchased. She put her half around her neck, and was holding the other half in her hand, which I assumed was for one of her school friends. She stopped on the sidewalk and took hold of my hand. “Nonni, I want you to have this.” I stopped beside her, surprised. “Me? Madison. This is supposed to be for your best friend.” She just smiled up at me and continued to hold the necklace out. “I know that. Nonni, you are my best friend.” I was so touched. I kept that necklace, wore it often and cherished it. I was well aware that this was a temporary situation. She was growing up quickly, and our relationship would not remain the same forever. We would spend our time together playing Scrabble, (it wasn’t long before I no longer helped her, and she could fairly compete), putting together puzzles and now talk about the books each of us are writing. Now, she is a junior in high school and ecstatic to be competing in girls’ weight lifting. Her Poppi just recently purchased her High School class ring for her, and at her District Weight Lifting meet gave it to her. They called me over to see it.

“Nonni, my ring came with a companion ring.” I was aware of this, a silver band with the graduation year on it. “I want you to have it.” “Madison! Why me?” Again… “Nonni, because you are my best friend.” I cried a little. She’s approaching 17 and we still have this very special relationship. 

The other 11 of my grandkids are all unique. We have a cross country runner, soccer player, baseball lover, an actress, little football player, a human tornado who is the happiest kid I’ve ever seen, a living song bird, a beauty who owns the volleyball court, the kindest heart in the world disguised as a boy, a stunning gymnast and our grand finale who is perpetual motion defined. And we love them all, wouldn’t change a thing about any of them. And we are blessed beyond words….And all because I didn’t shove a mouthy teenager out of a moving car. Go figure.