I have trust issues.
I say this a lot. It comes up when I'm driving, for instance. Especially on the interstate. Here where I live people have an aversion to turn signals. As if alerting people to their intention to suddenly dart into your lane at 75-80 mph is an invasion of their privacy. They don't have to tell you what they are doing. You shouldn't have left that entire car length between you and that other car.
Another issue with drivers here in my metropolis is that you can't trust that green light giving you safe passage. Oh no. If you are first in line, you better still look both ways to be sure someone hasn't fatally misjudged how generous that amber light was. I'm not joking, I've witnessed it more times than I can recount.
Trust issues started for me way before I took up driving, however. I think a lot of us have this struggle. After all we start out our lives surviving a long and stressful journey into an extremely bright and loud environment only to be roughly handled so that we cry. Our first communication with the outside world is one of distress. I realize many rebound quickly, while a lot of us spend our lives side-eying the world waiting for the next smack on the bottom.
Seriously, though, I think my trust issues stem from being lied to so much. What? By whom? It's fair to ask. Not necessarily by people, although I've had my share of that. Who hasn't? Let's be real, people lie. Some a little, some a lot. Some by commission, some by omission. Whichever, it erodes at trust. People who are lied to consistently lose their trust not just in the person who lies to them, but in people in general. And eventually in themselves. They struggle with their ability to see truth, good, and even sometimes hope in themselves.
How can lies have that much power? Because they chip away at the foundation of safety. Lies are the opposite of truth. What does God say about truth? John 8:32 says, Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." How does the truth set one free? John 14:6, "Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except by me."
Jesus is truth, and Satan is the liar. The author of deception and confusion. He was the first to lie, and is the one who whispers in our ears to tell the lie. He is also the one who whispers the lies into our ears.
Fear is the biggest driver of my lack of trust. The scripture tells of that fear is a spirit. 2Timothy 1:7, Paul says, "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of sound mind." That spirit is not of God, but is of the devil.
We live in fear because of all the lies that surround us. Told to us by not only people in our lives, but by society, culture, and by the voices in our own head. The lies you hear are probably different from the ones I hear. The intention is the same, however. Satan wants us to live a life full of trust issues. When we don't trust, we don't move. We don't step out, we don't obey.
Let me give you an example. I went on an excursion with my daughter and granddaughter. We visited a beautiful zip line course in northern Georgia. Let me preface this by saying that I am afraid of heights. Like, a lot. Not of flying, not of elevators. If I am contained, I am fine. But open spaces, No. Just no.
I had done it before with my husband, and I did great. Go figure, probably because I felt secure all strapped in and hugged in the harness. I know, weird. I didn't say I made sense.
Throughout the course, the guides stressed over and over that we, the participants, were to follow their instructions. When they held their hand up, palm out, we were to 'apply the brake.' We were to trust them.
On the first of the long lines, they told us not to brake at all. If we did, we would probably have to be rescued, pulled in, and no one wanted to do that. So, as I flew across the quarter mile line, caught in the beauty of the Blue Ridge Mountains, I looked up and saw the young guy getting closer. I was really coming in fast. Fast. Probably should have braked, but he never signaled to. He stopped me, and laughed. I nearly knocked him over.
"You told me not to brake, so I didn't." I said as I unclipped. "Yeah, we did, but I think maybe you should have."
Later, we were on a line where the other guide told us adamantly, "It's very important that you listen. This line is different. You will be coming in really fast, but the line goes up at the end. Do not brake. Even if you feel like you need to. You have to trust my hand motions. Only brake if I tell you to. Trust me."
And she was right. We came in fast. Everything in me wanted to brake. I watched her closely, and she never put her hand up. I held my hand ready to apply the brake, but she held steady. I remembered almost wiping out that poor kid previously, but she stood firm. I chose to trust her. My speed slowed down at the last second, and I glided onto the platform.
"Perfect. Good job." She said. I smiled, glad I had trusted her.
The biggest liar in my head is myself. I'm not good enough. I'm too old. No one wants to hear what I have to say. I wasted the best years of my life. I'm ....the list goes on and on.
But there is another voice in my head. The voice of truth, if you will. The voice that says "You are Mine. I chose you, I redeemed you. I shed my blood for you. No one can undo what I have done for you. I am your Father, you are My child. Your gifts, your talents, your calling; I gave them to you. I love you."
So. Trust is a choice. The voice we listen to is a choice. When we choose to step out into the unknown, it is important to put our faith and trust in Truth.
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